School
A new degree
Dec 8th
Just recently I noticed a new degree program being offered at my school: an MA in Korean with a different focus than the previously existing MA. This new degree is what I had in mind for myself when I started out as a Korean major originally. When I first saw this degree, I felt excited and elated. Apparently this is the first degree of its kind offered in this country, so it would be a fantastic opportunity for me if I were able to take it.
But… I can’t. The final requirement is to spend 1 year studying in Korea, which is simply not possible for me. I asked if they were able to make exceptions for students who had family or health conflicts, but was told that at this time they cannot make exceptions. It makes me really sad. I suppose if I really, really wanted to, I could start the degree with the knowledge that I would never be able to finish it, but that’s kind of depressing. Oh, well. Wishful thinking, I guess.
On a similar note, the professor who offered me an RA-ship has not gotten back in touch with me. I even tried contacting him to ask what was going on, but have not received a response. I have to wonder if he’s lost interest in having me work for him. I finished my application for graduate school with the understanding that I would have this RA-ship to fund my studies. If that falls through… then what?
On yet another note, the company that I thought I had a really good chance of getting into never contacted me back. Toby says they were waiting to see if I would contact them first, to gauge my interest. I never contacted them back because I thought I was supposed to wait for them to contact me.
…Sigh. I suppose what goes up must come crashing back down. I’m sure things will work out, but it’s sobering to see all the opportunities I had originally suddenly seem like they’re disappearing.
Did I make a mistake?
Nov 24th
I’ve been wondering a lot these days if I made a huge mistake in picking my major. I made the switch from Korean to computer science on mostly pragmatic reasons— there aren’t that many job openings in Korean (other than teachers or translators), while the sky’s the limit with a computer science degree. Besides, my level of profiency would be the same if I got the Korean certificate instead of the BA, since the BA has a lot of syntax and structure classes, which are, quite frankly, very un-fun.
And though I am better than most of my peers at computer science, it’s not something I’m passionately interested in. Toby is passionate about programming— it’s something he sits up late at night and researches. I don’t. Because of the enormous amount of responsibility he has, he doesn’t have as much time or energy to devote to programming as he would like, and he has gotten out of practice. He takes it very hard, especially considering how good he was when he was in school. I know, however, that if he had more time, all to himself, to practice and study, he would surpass what he was back then. I know he wants to. I guess for now it’s just a waiting game.
Toby needs to pursue what interests him, and so do I. I’ve made it this far, but it’s still not as interesting to me as I had hoped it would become. I keep wondering where I would be if I had stayed in Korean, especially since the job I’m going for now doesn’t require a computer science degree at all.
Perhaps this is just the last-year jitters. I’ve heard of others who made it almost all the way to the end of their degree before getting second thoughts and changing their major. This, of course, keeps them in school for much longer than they would normally be. Some people go through this process repeatedly. However, it does seem to be a common problem, and maybe it has less to do with the worries about the major itself than with worries about life beyond school.
I can’t help but wonder if I did make a mistake. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m probably just worried, and that this is almost over. It’s ALMOST OVER! Why worry needlessly when the end is so near in sight? I took all the Korean language courses I could, and I have no regrets about not taking those ridiculous syntax courses. I have nothing to regret. Almost over… and then “real life” can set in.
Conflicting thoughts
Nov 20th
You know that wonderful feeling of lightness when you finally finish a large amount of paperwork and send it off? The feeling that you accomplished something and never have to look at it again?
You know that sinking feeling you get when you submit something (not the aforementioned paperwork, but another project) and you are asked to redo it because it does not match the receiver’s ill-defined expectations?
Or when you fail at something, not because of your own inadequacies, but through the inadequacies of someone else? (Meaning: almost everyone else failed, too.)
I’m not sure whether I should be elated or depressed. On one hand, my future seems bright and shiny and there for the taking. On the other hand, my future seems bleak and unforgiving.
I wish this semester were over already. This is driving me crazy.
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