I’m actually really sad to be leaving my job. The people were very kind to me, and, unlike my previous job, I really felt like I was contributing and that I was a valuable member of the team. But, unfortunately, there weren’t any full-time entry-level positions open. I did get a job at another company I really like, so that’s good. It’s just hard to be the new kid all over again.

 After I come back from my 10-day visit to Tennessee, I start my new job. I can’t believe this time has come already.

I’m questioning my decision about graduate school again. I’m so sick of school, I’m not sure I really want to go through more of the same. Another company called me a few days ago, and I agreed to an interview. It’s supposed to be a good company, so I suppose it really couldn’t hurt. If I get the job, I may consider passing up the research assistant offer. Besides, after last semester, I discovered that I really do not like research work as much as I thought I would.

I of course still have some time, but I don’t like this period of confusion where I no longer know what I want.

Words Tommy can now say (some more clearly than others): no, banana, apple, ball, mama, daddy, cat, bye, hi, I love you, eye, hey, what’s that. At this point he only needs to know 6 words. He’s ahead of the game! Wooooooo! He’s also now able to play songs on the piano (rather than bang the keys). Very impressive. I’m still convinced I have a prodigy.

The final I had today was really easy, and I finished within 10 minutes. However, the professor requested that nobody leave within the first 25 minutes so that others don’t get disturbed. So I spent 15 minutes observing everyone else around me.

During that time I happened to notice that the people sitting in front of me kept talking. The girl would lean over to the guy, whisper something, he would say something back, and then she would scribble furiously on her test paper. Or the guy would write something on his paper and show it to her and she would scribble on her paper. I watched them do this for several minutes.

When my 15 minutes were up, I slipped a note to the professor telling what I saw. He didn’t look very pleased, to say the least. I know I put him in an awkward situation, and I feel bad for it.

So, yes, that makes me a tattle-tale. And the world’s uncoolest person.

But if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people who refuse to take responsibility for their mistakes. Cheating is inexcusable. If you did not sufficiently prepare, suck it up and learn from it. I see no reason why someone like this should get a better grade than someone who put all their time and energy into studying. It sickens me.

But… I can’t. The final requirement is to spend 1 year studying in Korea, which is simply not possible for me. I asked if they were able to make exceptions for students who had family or health conflicts, but was told that at this time they cannot make exceptions. It makes me really sad. I suppose if I really, really wanted to, I could start the degree with the knowledge that I would never be able to finish it, but that’s kind of depressing. Oh, well. Wishful thinking, I guess.

On a similar note, the professor who offered me an RA-ship has not gotten back in touch with me. I even tried contacting him to ask what was going on, but have not received a response. I have to wonder if he’s lost interest in having me work for him. I finished my application for graduate school with the understanding that I would have this RA-ship to fund my studies. If that falls through… then what?

On yet another note, the company that I thought I had a really good chance of getting into never contacted me back. Toby says they were waiting to see if I would contact them first, to gauge my interest. I never contacted them back because I thought I was supposed to wait for them to contact me.

…Sigh. I suppose what goes up must come crashing back down. I’m sure things will work out, but it’s sobering to see all the opportunities I had originally suddenly seem like they’re disappearing.

And though I am better than most of my peers at computer science, it’s not something I’m passionately interested in. Toby is passionate about programming— it’s something he sits up late at night and researches. I don’t. Because of the enormous amount of responsibility he has, he doesn’t have as much time or energy to devote to programming as he would like, and he has gotten out of practice. He takes it very hard, especially considering how good he was when he was in school. I know, however, that if he had more time, all to himself, to practice and study, he would surpass what he was back then. I know he wants to. I guess for now it’s just a waiting game.

Toby needs to pursue what interests him, and so do I. I’ve made it this far, but it’s still not as interesting to me as I had hoped it would become. I keep wondering where I would be if I had stayed in Korean, especially since the job I’m going for now doesn’t require a computer science degree at all.

Perhaps this is just the last-year jitters. I’ve heard of others who made it almost all the way to the end of their degree before getting second thoughts and changing their major. This, of course, keeps them in school for much longer than they would normally be. Some people go through this process repeatedly. However, it does seem to be a common problem, and maybe it has less to do with the worries about the major itself than with worries about life beyond school.

I can’t help but wonder if I did make a mistake. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m probably just worried, and that this is almost over. It’s ALMOST OVER! Why worry needlessly when the end is so near in sight? I took all the Korean language courses I could, and I have no regrets about not taking those ridiculous syntax courses. I have nothing to regret. Almost over… and then “real life” can set in.

 You know that sinking feeling you get when you submit something (not the aforementioned paperwork, but another project) and you are asked to redo it because it does not match the receiver’s ill-defined expectations?

Or when you fail at something, not because of your own inadequacies, but through the inadequacies of someone else? (Meaning: almost everyone else failed, too.)

I’m not sure whether I should be elated or depressed. On one hand, my future seems bright and shiny and there for the taking. On the other hand, my future seems bleak and unforgiving.

I wish this semester were over already. This is driving me crazy.

In short, it looks like I can both attend grad school and work for my dream company.

What does my darling husband say about all this? “Do it.” Even though it means moving from the only home he’s ever known, and the place I know he wants to stay.

So… I guess that means you can expect us to move sometime in 2009?

Sensing that I would likely be the only one who really knew what they were doing, I assigned much of the project to myself and gave small parts to the other members.

One guy wrote some code but clearly did not do any error checking. It wouldn’t even run. He has not yet responded to my telling him so.

The older woman has not given me any code yet, but says that she’s “working on it.” It’s been over a week now.

I have a bad, bad feeling about this… I may as well have done this by myself. I’ve already done almost all of it, and am now trying to salvage myself by doing their parts as well.

It’s due tomorrow, by the way.

This is a two-part assignment. I absolutely refuse to work with them on the next part.

 EDIT: The woman has come through and delivered beautiful, bug-free code. The guy sent in a revision of his code but again did not do any error-checking. He has effectively done nothing for this project. I hope he fails.

The answer? Graduate school. Getting a free ride with money to boot is something I simply should not pass up. And though I am suffering currently from senioritis, I know from my experiences in high school that the feeling is fleeting and that a summer of freedom may be all I need. I also know that if I don’t go now, I may never get the opportunity again.

The school has actually changed their program recently. While the new information isn’t currently available, from what I saw it gives structure to the previously haphazard program. One of the reasons I was considering other schools instead was because of this school’s unstructured program. Hopefully this will help.

I called the company I’m supposed to be interviewing with on Friday and requested that I be considered for a summer internship instead of a full-time position. While they don’t generally looking for interns until the beginning of the year, they’re going to let me interview now and place me in the pool until that time.

I have always wanted to go to grad school. Whether I go directly after graduating or after I’ve worked for a few years is the main decision I have to make now. On one hand, I’m kind of sick of school, and I don’t yet have much direction. Yet this is an opportunity that I may never get again. So should I go ahead and go to graduate school, which will in the long run give me more experience and more money? Or should I get some work experience, save up some money, find direction, and then go?

I know I’m the only one that can make this decision, but it’s driving me crazy. I really wish I knew which way to go.

I have another interview next week with a company I am really interested in. Maybe after that I will have enough information to make up my mind.