I tend to have dreams that are recurring in nature. For instance, for several years almost all of the dreams I remembered upon waking contained some form of abandonment. I have a few themes that my dreams tend to fall into, and these themes are found in the vast majority of my remembered dreams.

I’ve spent the last few weeks dreaming of a childhood friend. Regardless of the thoughts and emotions of the people in my dream, the dreams are always melancholy in nature, perhaps because I know that when my dream self is happy, she’s living a fantasy that will never be.

Last night in my dreams, I couldn’t get her to talk to me, couldn’t get her to really even notice I was there. She was too busy speaking to someone else. This in particular is sad to me, probably because of how closely it mirrors reality. I woke up feeling kind of lost and very alone.

I wrote several months ago that I was going to let this go and finally move on, but it seems that I haven’t. I still think of her every single day, and I still am hurt over her lack of effort towards retaining our friendship. I don’t think it will be possible for me to move on and finally make some friends of my own until I reconcile these feelings and memories. Until I learn to truly let her go, I will never be able to fully heal.