One of the things I’ve learned over time is that things always look brighter in the morning. Because I knew this, I wanted to write my post yesterday to document exactly how I was feeling. Perhaps it’s not such a good idea to put such negative thoughts in a public place, but I wanted to remember how this made me felt, so that I could learn from it.

This post will be much more positive in tone. Believe it or not, I’m actually pretty tenacious– you can knock me down for a bit, but you can’t keep me down for long. I pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on.

I’ve also learned over time that it’s dangerous to wallow in self-pity. For that reason I allow myself one day to feel sorry for myself when something bad happens, but after that I make every effort to keep going and learn from the experience. It’s not always easy, but I do at least try.

In some ways I’m relieved that I left my job. Over time the atmosphere became more and more hostile, as it was becoming increasingly obvious that I wasn’t fitting in. I began to dread going in to work every day. Also, as much as I loved the company and loved the project I was working on, I hate QA work.

What I’m most passionate about is language, and I have a natural talent for copy editing. (Though, of course, I’m not perfect and I do need to practice for a while, as majoring in computer science has made me a bit rusty.) I want to use this time to learn about the industry and try to break into it. If it doesn’t work out, I can try to go back into the workforce.

The dangerous thing about this line of work, for me, is the fact that I’m going to be at home a lot. Because of my disorders, I’m going to really have to make an effort to leave the house regularly. I don’t want to allow my problems to overwhelm me again. I know there’s only so much other people can do to help me– the rest is up to me. As hard as it will be, I’ve got to face myself and overcome my own problems without letting them run my life.

I know I’ll make it. I know I’ll be okay.

I apologize to those close to me who were concerned for me. No matter how dark things get, I know that you’re there for me and will love and support me in all that I do, and that you’ll be there to give me the sound advice I know I need.