Since this is my last semester, I’ve naturally been thinking a lot about what to do beyond graduation. The trip to DC made me question whether or not I’m really a good fit for the position I’m applying for. For one thing, I think my Korean abilities have plateaued, and although language ability isn’t necessary, not being at a specific level means that I’ll be losing a LOT of money. There’s quite a lot of money to be made in language pay alone. I also felt a little out of place when I visited the office. One of the employees made a point to comment on the fact that I do not have a graduate degree. I really do wonder if this is the job I really want.

So, then, that leads to the question… What do I want? I want a job where I can help people. Maybe it was a mistake for me to go into computer science. I was originally attracted by money and opportunities, but you can’t really help anybody— except for some fat guy’s wallet. I looked into law school, which was kind of promising, except that I don’t really like public speaking. Even though I’m sure I’d be good at coming up with arguments and counterarguments, and even though the idea of being a prosecutor (rather than a lawyer) is appealing because I want to help prosecute criminals and help the wrongfully accused be declared innocent, I wonder how good I could actually be if I don’t like speaking in front of others. Even though the idea is appealing, I’m guessing it’s probably not the best course of action.

I also thought of trying to become a clinical psychologist. I could get a second undergraduate degree in psychology in a little more than a year, then apply to grad school. However, the psychology department here is VERY selective— 6 out of 117 applicants were accepted a few years back.  It’s only gotten more selective since then as more and more people apply. And even if I were somehow able to get in, I would have to get a PhD— which would take several years— then take 2 more years of classes for “respecialization” so that I could actually practice. Then, I would have to take a 2000-hour internship before I could get licensed. I wouldn’t be able to actually practice until I was well into my 30s— and I don’t think I want to go to school that long, especially for something I’m not entirely sure about.

There’s still the option to finish grad school in computer science, but I have to wonder what’s the point. It’s not something that comes naturally to me, and even though I’m good at it in spite of that fact, I still don’t like the fact that ultimately all I’m contributing to is some other person’s wealth.

I suppose I could always be a librarian, though I’m not sure if that really appeals to me.

And, of course, I could always take the position I’m going for now, assuming I make it through this lengthy process. Perhaps I’m just nervous about such a big change, but I’m afraid that I’ll drag everyone up there and discover I hate it. I think if I did that, Toby would hate me for the rest of his life. Either that, or he wouldn’t respect me, which is worse.

Blargh. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Any suggestions? I’m open to anything…