Customer Service: Hello, thank you for choosing [company name], how may I help you?

Me: I’ve tried paying off one of my loans twice, but every time I do, it says I owe more because the interest keeps building. Now it says I owe $0.14.

CS: Okay, let me check… You owe [amount of all loans, not the one I specified].

Me: I’m only trying to pay off one of those loans. The private one. The one with $0.14.

CS: Okay, you can pay by sending a check to [company name].

Me: But… I already paid! I paid online and in the time it took to process the payment it gained more interest! Now it’s telling me to pay some more even though I paid off the amount already!

CS: You paid online?

Me: Yes!

CS: [pause] Your account is locked.

Me: ….Wait, what?

CS: I’m going to send you a new one-time password so you can access the account again.

Me: But… my account is not locked.

CS: Yes, your account is locked.

Me: Not, it’s not. I just signed in a few minutes ago.

CS: Your account is locked.

Me: What are you talking  about?! It can’t be locked! I JUST SIGNED IN!

[this actually continues for a few more minutes]

CS: Oh, so you want to make a payment on your loan.

Me: I ALREADY MADE A PAYMENT! I PAID IT OFF and now it’s telling me I owe $0.14!

CS: You can make a payment online…

Me: I DON’T WANT TO MAKE A PAYMENT! I WANT YOU TO STOP IT FROM BUILDING INTEREST ON A DAILY BASIS SO THAT I CAN ACTUALLY PAY IT OFF!! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY THE $0.14 AT ALL!

CS: [pause] That amount gets waived after 30 days.

Me: …What?

CS: You don’t have to pay the $0.14. It gets waived after 30 days.

Me: … Thank you. That was exactly what I wanted to know.

CS: Have a nice day.