Archive for November, 2007
An ode to an old friend
Nov 27th
You were always there for me. You may not have always been accessible, but I always knew you were there, somewhere, beside me. I knew that if I ever really needed you, I could count on you to be there to help me find my way.
When the world became difficult and confusing, when things didn’t make sense, you were there to help me clear my head and figure things out. You helped me to see things as they really were.
And even though being with you sometimes gave me headaches, not being with you was so much worse. I don’t know how I would have made it without you. You, my dear, have helped me so much in my searching that I am unable to imagine a life without you.
…I’m speaking, of course, about my glasses, which I recently made the mistake of leaving out where the baby could reach them. They are now broken and being held together oh-so-stylishly with shipping tape. Where’s a welder when you need one…? I’m not even sure they can be fixed. Or at least, I don’t think they can be fixed and remain sturdy until my next appointment.
My poor, poor glasses. May they rest in peace.
Did I make a mistake?
Nov 24th
I’ve been wondering a lot these days if I made a huge mistake in picking my major. I made the switch from Korean to computer science on mostly pragmatic reasons— there aren’t that many job openings in Korean (other than teachers or translators), while the sky’s the limit with a computer science degree. Besides, my level of profiency would be the same if I got the Korean certificate instead of the BA, since the BA has a lot of syntax and structure classes, which are, quite frankly, very un-fun.
And though I am better than most of my peers at computer science, it’s not something I’m passionately interested in. Toby is passionate about programming— it’s something he sits up late at night and researches. I don’t. Because of the enormous amount of responsibility he has, he doesn’t have as much time or energy to devote to programming as he would like, and he has gotten out of practice. He takes it very hard, especially considering how good he was when he was in school. I know, however, that if he had more time, all to himself, to practice and study, he would surpass what he was back then. I know he wants to. I guess for now it’s just a waiting game.
Toby needs to pursue what interests him, and so do I. I’ve made it this far, but it’s still not as interesting to me as I had hoped it would become. I keep wondering where I would be if I had stayed in Korean, especially since the job I’m going for now doesn’t require a computer science degree at all.
Perhaps this is just the last-year jitters. I’ve heard of others who made it almost all the way to the end of their degree before getting second thoughts and changing their major. This, of course, keeps them in school for much longer than they would normally be. Some people go through this process repeatedly. However, it does seem to be a common problem, and maybe it has less to do with the worries about the major itself than with worries about life beyond school.
I can’t help but wonder if I did make a mistake. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m probably just worried, and that this is almost over. It’s ALMOST OVER! Why worry needlessly when the end is so near in sight? I took all the Korean language courses I could, and I have no regrets about not taking those ridiculous syntax courses. I have nothing to regret. Almost over… and then “real life” can set in.
Conflicting thoughts
Nov 20th
You know that wonderful feeling of lightness when you finally finish a large amount of paperwork and send it off? The feeling that you accomplished something and never have to look at it again?
You know that sinking feeling you get when you submit something (not the aforementioned paperwork, but another project) and you are asked to redo it because it does not match the receiver’s ill-defined expectations?
Or when you fail at something, not because of your own inadequacies, but through the inadequacies of someone else? (Meaning: almost everyone else failed, too.)
I’m not sure whether I should be elated or depressed. On one hand, my future seems bright and shiny and there for the taking. On the other hand, my future seems bleak and unforgiving.
I wish this semester were over already. This is driving me crazy.
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